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Dating is never easy. I’ve typed, said, thought and believed it for years. Well, now I think you girls need to do some PR on this, because I’m beginning to think the majority of you are insane.

Last night I went out on a blind date. There was some confusion as to if she was even coming at all. (Boy do I wish that were the case.) Unfortunately, lady luck was not flirting with me that night. She shows up.

We greet each other with a hug and a friendly “Nice to meet you.” She’s apparently “heard lots of interesting things about me”, meanwhile I’ve heard nothing about her.

First impression… She’s cute. She’s wearing a bit too much makeup (I’m a fan of natural beauty). Blonde, 5’4ish, lean body, Green Eyes, very nice smile. By definition she attractive.

So we get to talking about work, school, goals, dating, movies, music… basically all the boring interview questions you have to get out of the way when you meet someone new. While this barrage of questions for each other is going on, red flags are being put up, Air Raid sirens are going off in my head, hypothetical brain gremlins are getting into bomb shelters…

These are in no particular order, but they all came up at one point in the conversation…

“Awww I love you already.”
“My parents would like you, I can tell.”
“Where do you live?”
“Ever lived with a girl?”
“I’m looking for a new roommate.”
“I think kids are more important that school or career.”
“I loved the movie All About Steve!”
“I know the perfect shirt I’ll buy for you.”

And then… the nuke was dropped.

“You should get a  sperm test! Make sure they are as good as Michael Phelps. I can’t date a guy who doesn’t make sure.”

And with that, life as we know it ceased to exist. Nuclear war had destroyed the world.

Update 10:45: My friend (who’s GF set me up) sent me a text… “Hey braahh, sorry that chick was a fucking psycho. I punished [girlfriend] really hard last night for that. Hope that makes up for it.”

Good to know one of us had a good time. Thanks buddy. Lol.

What’s the craziest red flag that’s come up for you on a date?